I have recently begun reading Nancy Leigh Demoss's book on "Brokenness." Here is a little quote that really got me.
"As wax or clay must be soft and pliable in order to be molded by the artist's hands, so the broken, contrite heart is easily molded by the hand of God and does not harden itself against the circumstances God chooses to mold it."
Have you ever experienced a circumstance you thought you had accepted but you felt anger or bitterness or something to that effect, other than a willingness or peace? Then you haven't experienced true brokenness.
I have to admit that recently I have a had a break through in this area. For sometime I have felt spiritually dry, far from the quenching waters of my Father. Having a desire to read God's word or spend time in prayer with him was there, but something was holding me back. That something was from a deeper desire... a desire to approach God in a way that was not fake or forced. I was tired of approaching God's throne with promises and requests that were not of any subsequent importance. I wanted to get back to a place where I could be absolutely transparent, to come before him with a complete, not half hearted, willingness to serve Him. Last Sunday, during our morning service, came that release. I was truely broken, tired of hardening my heart to what God would have me do.
Each time I humbly submit to His will, my heart softens and he begins to reshape my will to match his. I hunger for his touch, though painful it may be.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Going Home
Well Friends, Strangers, Countrymen and not so countrymen, it has been waaaaaaay too long since I last blogged. I apologize for the last 5 or so blogs, they have been kinda happazardly thrown for quantity sake, not content.
I suppose I should catch you up to date. Much has gone down in the last four weeks. Mid-February, I went home for a week to help my sister, Brittany, finish preparing for her wedding. I spent the week chauffering her around, shopping for clothing, decorations, going to fittings, setting up the reception hall, and taking care of the intricate details...the finishing touches. And I thought I was a perfectionist. A side-note - During the time I spent with Brit, I realized I am not a perfectionist at all. I do appreciate things being done the right way, and my first reaction to change may display a little bit or anxiousness, but given a good reason to shift gears and do something different...I'm really pretty flexible.
Anyway moving on. The wedding was simple and beautiful. The reception was where things were happening. If you want to see pictures of it you can log on to charityphotos.reflectphotos.com. It really is difficult to explain.
After returning to Louisville, I prepared myself to hear of my grandmothers death. I prefer to say "Home Going", but I will explain that later for those of you who don't get it. Granny was unable to attend the wedding due to her illness and my mom had warned us to be prepared to hear from her. A week went by and last monday my mom called with the news. "She's gone. I was sitting with her. She was sleeping and I was watching her breath. She breathed in and out and that was all. She wasn't in any pain. She was sleeping and then she was gone."
My grandmother (Gloria Stroecker) is Home. She is no longer wandering this world waiting for the Saviors return. She is humbly standing in his presence ministering unto him. She is no longer in agony from her arthritis, slipped disks, broken hips, heart condition, diabetes and so on...these diseases (products of man's disobedience) she had suffered with for over 15 years. She no longer feels like a burden to her children, though I never thought she was. Why can I say she is home? Some of you already know what I'm going to say, but I have to testify to the life my grandmother lead and to the life that lived within her. She lived a life being a witness to the love of God. She was caregiver and nurse for over 40 years. She was the oldest sister of eight siblings who considered her the glue that kept their family together. She was a mother of four, a grandmother to 16 and great grandmother to more than 20 grandchildren. She was 4 feet tall and packed with dynamite. She was always doing something for someone else.
Through her faith in Jesus Christ she endured maladies that caused great physical pain. She was not big on complaining about them. It frustrated her that she was unable to do things for others. But the Lord continued to use her. While I was attending college she allowed me to live with her. We blessed each other. She blessed me with a roof and food. I blessed her by taking her out shopping, Dr. appointments and company. Although she wasn't able to physically do much in her later years there wasn't a day she didn't spend time every morning in her favorite chair, praying. She would be up before the sun reading her bible or "Daily Bread" devotionals.
Her Faith was found in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was sent to die in our behalf for the crimes we have committed against our creator. Jesus - An innocent God/Man, yep you read right...who lived a sinless life, a perfect sacrifice, who WILLINGLY went to the cross, on which He then took our sins and experienced His own Fathers wrath, that same wrath my grandmother, myself, and any one who does not repent of their sins and trust in Jesus, will experience when it is our turn.
It doesn't end there. Yes, Christ died for my our sins...but he also rose from the dead, defeating death, demonstrating the overcoming power of God and giving me a living hope in a living Savior. What good is a Savior who can't save himself? That is what gave me such joy at my grandmother's funeral. While some mourned her death... I celebrated her life that she is now living and that I long to live. One day the Father will call me home. For now, I strive to do his bidding to the utmost well aware of my short comings but determined not to defeated by them.
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumberance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~ Hebrew 12:1-2
I suppose I should catch you up to date. Much has gone down in the last four weeks. Mid-February, I went home for a week to help my sister, Brittany, finish preparing for her wedding. I spent the week chauffering her around, shopping for clothing, decorations, going to fittings, setting up the reception hall, and taking care of the intricate details...the finishing touches. And I thought I was a perfectionist. A side-note - During the time I spent with Brit, I realized I am not a perfectionist at all. I do appreciate things being done the right way, and my first reaction to change may display a little bit or anxiousness, but given a good reason to shift gears and do something different...I'm really pretty flexible.
Anyway moving on. The wedding was simple and beautiful. The reception was where things were happening. If you want to see pictures of it you can log on to charityphotos.reflectphotos.com. It really is difficult to explain.
After returning to Louisville, I prepared myself to hear of my grandmothers death. I prefer to say "Home Going", but I will explain that later for those of you who don't get it. Granny was unable to attend the wedding due to her illness and my mom had warned us to be prepared to hear from her. A week went by and last monday my mom called with the news. "She's gone. I was sitting with her. She was sleeping and I was watching her breath. She breathed in and out and that was all. She wasn't in any pain. She was sleeping and then she was gone."
My grandmother (Gloria Stroecker) is Home. She is no longer wandering this world waiting for the Saviors return. She is humbly standing in his presence ministering unto him. She is no longer in agony from her arthritis, slipped disks, broken hips, heart condition, diabetes and so on...these diseases (products of man's disobedience) she had suffered with for over 15 years. She no longer feels like a burden to her children, though I never thought she was. Why can I say she is home? Some of you already know what I'm going to say, but I have to testify to the life my grandmother lead and to the life that lived within her. She lived a life being a witness to the love of God. She was caregiver and nurse for over 40 years. She was the oldest sister of eight siblings who considered her the glue that kept their family together. She was a mother of four, a grandmother to 16 and great grandmother to more than 20 grandchildren. She was 4 feet tall and packed with dynamite. She was always doing something for someone else.
Through her faith in Jesus Christ she endured maladies that caused great physical pain. She was not big on complaining about them. It frustrated her that she was unable to do things for others. But the Lord continued to use her. While I was attending college she allowed me to live with her. We blessed each other. She blessed me with a roof and food. I blessed her by taking her out shopping, Dr. appointments and company. Although she wasn't able to physically do much in her later years there wasn't a day she didn't spend time every morning in her favorite chair, praying. She would be up before the sun reading her bible or "Daily Bread" devotionals.
Her Faith was found in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was sent to die in our behalf for the crimes we have committed against our creator. Jesus - An innocent God/Man, yep you read right...who lived a sinless life, a perfect sacrifice, who WILLINGLY went to the cross, on which He then took our sins and experienced His own Fathers wrath, that same wrath my grandmother, myself, and any one who does not repent of their sins and trust in Jesus, will experience when it is our turn.
It doesn't end there. Yes, Christ died for my our sins...but he also rose from the dead, defeating death, demonstrating the overcoming power of God and giving me a living hope in a living Savior. What good is a Savior who can't save himself? That is what gave me such joy at my grandmother's funeral. While some mourned her death... I celebrated her life that she is now living and that I long to live. One day the Father will call me home. For now, I strive to do his bidding to the utmost well aware of my short comings but determined not to defeated by them.
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumberance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~ Hebrew 12:1-2
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